Thoughts before my sleep

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Finals is around the corner as usual...
Even though final is coming and people are busy thinking about finals but me...
Well, I did study like people usually do but sometimes I will still about other stuffs. For example, friendship, family and etc. In my mind, I was like 'waaa, you still have time to think about other stuffs and become emo somemore'. Being emo in the wrong timing is the worst senario ever, especially before exam. When my friends ask why am I easily become emo, normally I will just keep quite because I have no answer for that. I used to cry a lot during bedtime when I was in secondary school. The main reason lies in the past. Many event or I should say tragedy took place in my life. It may be nothing to some people who experience worse than I am or to those who never experience something that bad before in their life or even now... Everyone has their own story to tell but it depends on whether the person want to share it or not. I used to think about my past, when I started think...emo will surely come together. For me personally, I become more pessimistic knowing that bad things always happen in life. I have less friends and people doesn't really like to talk to me... The part where I hated the most is people likes to judge you. I hate it. I hate them. Convincing myself that my life sucks, I hate my life and I always question myself why the life is terrible... but thanks to God. Things become better...wait...I should be saying my life had changed. It took me a few years to overcome my fears and letting go of my past knowing that the past is where you learn your lessons and bare in mind not to repeat the same mistakes again. It shouldn't be draging you from moving forward. The past remains in the past. God gave me a hope. The Lord shine my path when it is dark. He give me the strength to walk...to continue my journey. Even though I still make mistakes in life and fail at some point. He is still there as He always did. And now,  I become  less pessimistic and more cheerful than I usually do. In the past, I always try to hide my feeling especially when I am sad and pretending that I'm happy...a mask...a mask that I wear for years. Until the breaking point where I can't hold my tears any longer. Trying to pretend that I'm stronger but it turns out to make me look weaker. What people is said is true, the more you hide your feelings, the more it wanted to shown. There is no use in mourning about the past. Telling myself that keep moving forward and never look back. God will do the rest. There is a lot things I wanted to type but is time to sleep already. Until next time :D

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