The current state of mind - not a good place to be in

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It's been a while since the last time I wrote my blog. Recently I have been quite busy. Sometimes with work but mainly is because I'm currently trying to find a new job. You might be thinking. Why the heck are you job hunting when you just started your new role? The main reason for leaving is because the place that I am working at is not stable.

    The sense of uncertainty causes me to consider taking the next logical step (to find a new job and a stable career). Since I am going to do it soon. So, might as well just do it now. Plus, the longing of wanting to move to KL is getting stronger. It fuels my motivation. However, my anxiety keeps on creeping into my mind causing me to overthink.

     Two weeks ago, my CG leader and some members came to Malacca to visit me. I was surprised just by the fact that they came to see me. We had a good time chatting and hanging out. The next day, my mind: "f**k, I want to go KL so badly. I want to get to meet up with my CG members. I want to have fellowship with them. oh Lord, when will that day be?"

    The current state of mind. I would say is not really in a good place. Part of me is stressed out mainly due to finding a new job. Afraid things would turn out bad. In addition, the uncertainly is starting to freak me out a little. The other part of me wants to move to KL as soon as possible and hoping to meet my friends soon. 

What if I choose the role that I may not like because I made a mistake when applying?

What if I make a mistake when making the decisions?

When will the open door reveal itself? How would I know this is an open door?

How would the future be after I made my decision?

    Are all these questions necessary? One side of me wants to lash out and panic, while the other part of me constantly reminds me that God is in control. He knows what I am going through and what is best for me. He will lead me to the open door that He has prepared for me. To be honest, sometimes I feel that I am fighting this battle alone.

Is it because I stayed in Malacca for too long?

Work from home for too long?

Is it because I socialize a little lesser than usual?

Am I lacking in faith?

I don't know...

    Am I seeking comfort? Maybe. Sometimes I would want to sit close to a friend. To feel the closeness and warmth. I like the feeling of being clingy. Although, it is something that I try to avoid doing nowadays. Came to think of it, am I rejecting part of my personality? When did I stop being clingy? It seems that it is time to find out what is going thru my mind and sort things out one at a time.


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