The light that doesn't shine

-

Recently I found myself in a constant loop of overthinking. The constant feeling of I am not good enough. Felt that I am less seen or mostly forgotten just as how life has been ever since I was a kid. People will always gratify to someone that are more interesting.

I have always felt that I am just a boring that nobody would be interested in. People wouldn't thought much to invite me to go out together and so on. I mean life now is better than how it was. But still those feelings never goes away.

I felt that I am always the last, the forgotten, and the less being seen kinda person. I ask God, am I overthinking too much? God, please proof me wrong. Did I do something wrong to deserve all of these? What did I do wrong? What did I not do enough?

The lights around me shine so bright while I am a light that doesn't shine...

Why...

If the people around me has something against me, why don't they say it? Aren't we supposed to be kinsman to one another?

I always felt I am the one who initiates friendship. The one who has the desire to know others more. All I want is to feel loved, remembered and seen. I want my existence to be affirmed. I want someone to hug me and says I matter.

Maybe I am not loving and lovable compared to others...

Maybe I am selfish...

Maybe I am oblivious...

But, I am also still learning you know...a bit slow...I know...

In the end, no one ever really tries to understand my background, how I grew up and how I become who I am right now...

Does all these matters? Maybe not I guess? I don't know. My mind is a mess. Very distracted.

When I thought as I grew older, all these feelings will fade away. Guess that's not the case...

I don't want to feel this way...God, can you take all these feelings away?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Tale of an Emotional Kid - Part 1

-
Let me tell you a tale of an emotional kid. Let's name him Z. Z started off as a happy kid. When he was little, he doesn't need to worry about anything. He doesn't know what is the meaning of worry either. Everything was great until when some sad incident happen in school when he was 12.     When he was 12, he got transferred to a different class because of slightly better grades. Things did not go well. Many of his classmates doesn't like him. He was really bad at some subjects and sometimes he does not pass up his homework. Moreover, those classmates does not want him to be in their group especially when it comes to internal class competition on certain subjects because he has bad grade for it.      That time Z does not really understand the situation in same time did not know what is sadness is or feels like but deep down he know he has this disturbing feeling in him that he could not understand. Besides that, Z doesn't understand why his classmates...
Read more

Past review

-
Hmm....haven't being emo for quite a while now..It seems I have accept and let go of the past even though sometimes I might think about it but it doesn't effect me anymore, not like last time. If you want to know how I did it. I would say is with the help of my friends and also the might one. To the let go of the past, live with the present and hoping for the future to come. I have a one friend who always think that I'm emo when I said something else. Well, maybe is because I used to emo-ing a lot. But now I don't which is a good thing. There was once we talk about friendship. The moment when I said friendship last forever, he started laughing. He think that I was naive. To him, friends come and goes but never stay. He said is the job of a wife instead of friends. He said " When people grow up we leave and friends can be separated. When we meet is great joy but if you mean together as in together forever than I think that won't happen. That's the job o...
Read more

Pahang

-
Peninsular Malaysia's largest state is bordered on the north by the states of Kelantan and Terengganu, on the east by the South China Sea, on the south by Negeri Sembilan and Johor, and in the west by Perak and Selangor. The Titiwangsa mountain range which forms a natural divider between the Peninsula's east and west regions, is spread along the north and south of the state, peaking at Tahan Mountain, which is 2,187 metres high. Pahang's tropical monsoon climate brings with it a uniform temperature of 21°C to 32°C throughout the year. The months of January through April are dry and warm, while the months of May to December are wettest. Average rainfall each year falls between 2,032 mm to 2540 mm, with a high humidity between 82-86 percent. Click To View Pahang Map Peninsular Malaysia's largest state is bordered on the north by the states of Kelantan and Terengganu, on the east by the South China Sea, on the south by Negeri Sembilan and Johor, and in the west by Pera...
Read more